Parts Work: Why You Feel Torn (and How to Move Forward)

Written By Jen Ottovegio

Ever feel like one part of you wants something totally different from another? That clash isn’t confusion or weakness—it’s parts work in action.

What Is “Parts Work” or Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

Internal Family Systems, developed by psychologist Richard C. Schwartz in the 1980s, is a psychotherapy model that sees the mind as comprised of multiple subpersonalities—or parts—each holding its own viewpoints, emotions, and beliefs. Think of your psyche as a family: managers, firefighters, exiles, and a core Self that can lead with calm and clarity. All parts have positive intentions, even when their behavior feels stuck or conflicting. (Check out this video “How to Handle Your Demons” by Richard Schwartz).

Instead of battling or suppressing parts, IFS helps us understand and harmonize them—getting curious about what each part fears, needs, or wants. Learn more about IFS here.

How “Parts Work” Shows Up In Coaching

This comes up in my private coaching practice all the time. People say “a part of me wants A, but another part of me wants B.” That’s when we can use this model to more deeply explore the conflict and find a path forward.

Here are some examples of how I’ve used Internal Family Systems with my life coaching clients:

Example 1. Career Crossroads

Part A wants freedom: build a dream business, reclaim autonomy.

Part B wants safety: keep a steady corporate job with benefits.

Instead of forcing a decision, we slow down. I invite each part to speak, name their fears and hopes, and then guide them to a compromise—like reducing hours while testing the business side on the weekend.

Example 2. The Moms-Own-Morning Struggle

Part A: You want to exercise before kids wake up (feel energetic, connected to your body).

Part B: You need those extra minutes of sleep (feel rested, survive the day).

We invited both parts in: “Morning movement can be three minutes—no guilt. Sleep is valid too.” That gentle option often leads to choosing movement willingly or redefining success on a sleepy morning.

Example 3. Social Media Shake-Out

Part A: Builds your business—post content, stay visible.

Part B: Feels drained by the noise, wants to skip Instagram stories today.

An experiment - for 1 week, use social media only when you feel called to share, but not to consume. Open the app only when you have the intention to share. This gives visibility without burning bandwidth.

🛠 Try It Yourself: A 3-Step “Parts” Practice

Next time you feel torn, follow these 3 steps:

  1. Name the parts.
    “One part wants this. Another part needs that.” Literally give each part inside of you a name. Naming each gives them space and helps you engage in a dialogue with it.

  2. Listen to each part.
    Invite each part to speak. Ask each part the following questions:

    1. What do you really need?

    2. What are you most afraid of?

    3. What do you value most?

    4. What are you truly hoping for?

  3. Look for overlap.
    Where do they agree? What small step honors both—or doesn’t silence either? That’s usually where clarity and momentum meet. Your “Self” is the one facilitating the dialogue and will start to see a path forward.

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Jen Ottovegio
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4 Steps to Set Badass Boundaries